So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
