I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
