I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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