I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I wish there were birth control emojis
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
