I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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