Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
