It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
