Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
COCAINE IS GR8
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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