My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
