First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Bring me that man meat
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
