I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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