What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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