youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
