Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
