dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
