4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
