In the future we'll all be gay
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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