How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
