i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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