Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
