I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
