how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
