Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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