I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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