Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
