Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
