dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
