i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
