Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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