I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
two words: eviction party
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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