I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
