have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
