Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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