my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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