She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
