I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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