Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
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Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
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I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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