South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i love accidental penises.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
