We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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