i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
