Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
