you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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