Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She even gives head with a lisp.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
