I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
