Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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