turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
