Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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