my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
