It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
