Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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