she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
