Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
