I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
