Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
