she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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