mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
