I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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