He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
