Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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