We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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