For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
