if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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