By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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