Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
