i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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