I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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