I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
