If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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