god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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