in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
