its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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