that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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