Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
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