My underwear smells like fireworks.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
