This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
