yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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