i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The uberlube is also flammable
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
