I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
