I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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